"Why do I cum so fast?" is a more common question than you think. And, while premature ejaculation happens to many men, it can feel like a pretty lonely experience and one you may not want to talk about.
If it's a one-off occurrence or happens when you haven't seen your partner in a while, then there's no need to stress. Sometimes it's just because you're super excited and, well, it happens to the best of us.
Sex with your intimate partner might not look the same as someone else's sex life, but we can still become obsessed with comparisons. How long is long enough to have sex? You can get a bit caught up with these questions and they can really kill the mood.
What might feel quick for you, might actually be slow for someone else. It's all subjective, right?
A 2-minute plank feels like forever, so why should sex for 2 minutes feel like less? A quickie can be more convenient and pleasurable than an intimate, long-term session but how quick are we talking?
We'll get into what constitutes orgasming "too fast" so you can know the general guideline but usually, if you feel you cannot delay ejaculation at all, then there might be something else going on there.
The length of time that you're able to show your intimate partner a good time isn't a depiction of manhood, although those bad teen movies seem to think so. And we're not going to tell you to practice on a pie or think of something 'unsexy' like a stapler, but we will give you some tips to identify premature ejaculation, lasting longer and delaying ejaculation.
So, let's figure out how to slow things down so you and your partner can enjoy yourselves.
What is premature ejaculation?
Ejaculation is when you release sperm from your penis during an orgasm, and premature ejaculation is when this release happens sooner than you want it to. It can occur during any of your sexual encounters such as during oral sex, masturbation or penetrative sex.
Premature ejaculation or rapid ejaculation is a type of sexual dysfunction — your body isn't exactly doing what you want it to, and it can cause you major stress and, sometimes, embarrassment.
If you're diagnosed with premature ejaculation, it's either primary premature ejaculation or secondary premature ejaculation. Primary premature ejaculation is lifelong, meaning you've been dealing with it for your whole sexual life, and secondary premature ejaculation is acquired, meaning that it's something that's developed in your life but it's not always been something you've experienced.
Premature ejaculation isn't the same as erectile dysfunction though — ED is when you struggle to maintain sexual function during sex. You could experience both premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction but the treatment options would differ.
How common is PE?
For some men, rapid ejaculation doesn't happen all the time and, for others, it can be quite standard in their sex life. Around 1 in 3 men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their life [1].
If it's not happening all that much, it's unlikely that you would be diagnosed with premature ejaculation and have to consult with your doctor for treatment options. But, if you experience the below, then you might want to seek professional medical advice:
- Each time (or most times) you have sex, you ejaculate quickly (within 1 to 3 minutes of sexual intercourse)
- You are avoiding maintaining a sex life due to frustration with sexual health and sexual performance
- You cannot delay ejaculation each time (or most times) you have sex.
All of the above can make you feel pretty fragile (understandably!) around the topic of sex so even just broaching the topic with an external party, like a doctor, can feel like a relief.
What causes men to come too fast?
There could be a few reasons why men reach orgasm too quickly, with psychological factors, emotional factors and physical causes playing a role. What might cause premature ejaculation for one guy, might not be the same for you [2].
Emotional or psychological factors can include:
- Having your first few sexual experiences and excitement or nerves take over, meaning you haven't focused on delaying ejaculation yet
- Depression
- Sexual abuse
- Low self-esteem
- Relationship problems
- Performance anxiety
- Stress
Physical causes can include:
- Hormone imbalance
- Inflammation of the urinary system or prostate
- Heart disease
- High blood pressure
- High cholesterol
- Diabetes
- Obesity
Medical professionals will help you to diagnose the cause of premature ejaculation, and once you know, you can take the appropriate measures to improve it or deal with your response to it when it does occur.
Can you prevent premature ejaculation?
If you're experiencing premature ejaculation, you might be able to improve it with a few methods: home remedies, medical treatments, physical activities and self-help techniques.
Let's check some out but just remember, check in with your doctor and make sure you're medically reviewed before trying any of these things. If there's an underlying cause such as a medical condition causing premature ejaculation, medical advice is needed straight away.
With treating premature ejaculation, you could try:
- Using condoms that decrease sensitivity
- Engaging in sex therapy with a registered sex therapist to reduce any physiological barriers you're experiencing with sex (this can reduce performance anxiety and stress)
- Using topical anesthetic creams to reduce sensitivity
- Pelvic floor exercises, like Kegels, to improve your pelvic floor muscles
- Seeking support from a mental health professional to help work through and treat depression, stress, relationship issues, sexual abuse and low self-esteem
- Clinical treatments
- Squeeze technique or the stop method [3]
Hold on; what is the squeeze technique?
The squeeze method, or squeeze and pause method, might be recommended by your doctor (always consult with them before trying it).
This method is exactly what it says on the tin. When you're intimate with your partner, and your partner stimulates your penis, let them know that you are about to ejaculate. Either you or your partner can then squeeze the tip of your penis until the feeling of needing to ejaculate passes.
Practice this a few times until it becomes habitual so that you can delay ejaculation without having to intervene physically. Do not keep doing this if it is causing any discomfort, though.
Another method is the stop method, so instead of holding on to the tip of your penis, you can stop engaging in sexual activity and wait until the urge to ejaculate passes, then begin again.
What's the best way to treat premature ejaculation?
With the right support and behavioural techniques, many men can delay ejaculation and say goodbye to rapid ejaculation. Using behaviour modification training, delay gels, medical treatment or a mix of many methods, you can successfully improve your ejaculatory reflex.
It's all about taking better control of your sexual experience and practising methods that work for you. And, that's where we come in.
Pilot's clinical premature ejaculation treatment is backed by years of medical research and is trusted by real health professionals. Simply take our online consult with an Aussie practitioner and they will create a treatment plan that is designed around your situation, sexual activity and lifestyle.
If this isn't right for you, we also have our Last Longer, Naturally program that was developed by sex coach Georgia Grace and sexual health specialist Dr Michael Lowy. This course teaches you how to last longer in just 4 weeks.
There's no shame in reaching out for help with PE and treatment is best placed in the hands of a healthcare professional.
Photo credit: Getty Images
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