BDE meaning: What ‘Big Dick Energy’ really says about confidence

Do you have Big Dick Energy?

Before you’re thinking about where you left the measuring tape, this famous Internet slang term has precisely nothing to do with penis size. In fact, it also doesn’t specifically refer to anything sexual at all.

Like so many things, the Big Dick Energy concept is a state of mind that can extend to every aspect of life. So, let’s dig into what it says about your confidence, whether you have it, and if it’s something you can develop.

What is ‘Big Dick Energy’?

Let’s get one thing straight: Big Dick Energy, or BDE, isn’t a scientific term, and was originally more of a joke or meme that formed part of a celebrity conversation. When you get into it, there’s actually no hard-and-fast rule for what it is.

If we look at the popular Internet slang database, Urban Dictionary, they describe it as a magnetic attitude or vibe someone has that can be akin to a person who “has a colossal phallus and doesn’t have to tell anyone about it” [1]. Crucially, it also doesn’t mean being cocky. It’s being effortlessly cool without being the loudest person in the room.

It’s not even something that applies exclusively to men. Some have tried to use the term ‘Big Diva Energy’ to describe women with the same aura, with little success.

Some of the characteristics people have pinned to Big Dick Energy include:

• Leadership
• Charisma
• Positivity towards others
• Kindness
• Great sense of humour

These are the people that others naturally gravitate towards because they’re confident, not cruel, and don’t see the need to perform. Ultimately, though, there’s always been tremendous disagreement between online communities over who qualifies and who doesn’t.

You might have also seen the term ‘Small Dick Energy’ online. This is generally used for people who like to brag, invent false achievements, and possess extremely thin skin when called out.

Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson origins - Where did the phrase come from?

Big Dick Energy can be traced back to a 2018 Tweet from singer Ariana Grande. At the time, she was in a relationship with Pete Davidson and confessed on a soon-deleted Tweet that his penis measured 10 inches. One random user replied with a Tweet that Davidson had "dark circles, exudes big dick energy, looks evil but apparently is an angel, etc.," and the term caught fire across all social media platforms, becoming a staple of pop culture.

However, this is simply when people started talking about it. Not many people know that Grande wasn't the only character to use it. A month earlier, chef Kyrell Grant, who wrote a eulogy after the death of chef Anthony Bourdain, would reference 'big dick energy' too [2]. On a side note, the Oxford English Dictionary noted how quickly it went viral and went on to include it on their ‘word of the year’ shortlist the same year [3].

Is BDE positive or negative?

Big Dick Energy is considered positive among most people because of the nature of this type of confidence. It’s the type of aura that radiates calmness and quiet confidence without the arrogance. It means you’re comfortable in yourself without feeling like you’ve got to prove yourself to everyone you meet.

Understandably, it’s a balance so many blokes, and a fair few sheilas, never reach. Here are probably the three biggest aspects of BDE everyone can agree on:

1. Confident, not arrogant – BDE holders are secure in themselves and are relaxed about what they’re worth and how they feel others perceive them.
2. Unbothered – You’ll never shake someone with this aura by criticising them, and you’re never going to ruin their demeanour over minor problems in life.
3. Action first – If you’re a bloke with BDE, you’re someone who tackles problems head-on. You’re also someone who allows your achievements to speak for themselves.

You might even describe it as having the ‘right’ type of confidence. But are today’s men feeling confident in themselves?

According to the first Man of Many Male Confidence Index, based on 2,000 Australian adults, the average confidence rating was 63 out of 100 [4]. Naturally, the point was to explore an overall confidence rating because we know you can be confident in some areas of life but not in others.

In another survey of men that focused on self-confidence in the bedroom, the results were quite similar. According to the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census, 62% of men said they were satisfied and confident in their sex lives [5].

In short, BDE is a positive trait to have, and Aussies rate pretty high on the confidence scale in an array of areas.

How do you know if someone has BDE?

Men and women with BDE all have a specific aura displayed through their presence and the way they carry themselves. It’s a type of quiet confidence, minimal anxiety and self-consciousness, and a feeling of being cool, calm, and collected in every situation.

Most of us have met or know someone who appears unflappable, even in high-pressure, high-emotion situations. Moreover, these are the types of people who don’t overcompensate by feeling the need to prove themselves or demonstrate power or competence over others.

In many cases, you’ll encounter someone with BDE who lifts people rather than tries to drive them down. It’s a respectful form of power that’s inherently gentle, which is in direct contrast to toxic masculinity.

Note that these are extremely general traits, and you’ll still see people debating over who has the trait and who doesn’t. It’s not a formalised term, and there’s little academic study on it, since it’s often highly subjective and influenced by different cultural expectations worldwide.

Is there such a thing as ‘Small Dick Energy’?

Small Dick Energy is the opposite of Big Dick Energy. It’s a term that applies to fragile masculinity, overcompensation, and trying to flex without the confidence or the power to back it up.

The most famous use of the term occurred during climate activist Greta Thunberg’s online Twitter spat with former kickboxer Andrew Tate. After bragging about the emissions of his cars, Greta replied with [6]:

“yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com”

The term soon entered regular online usage, being used to attack displays of toxic masculinity. While there’s no mention of it in any clinical manuals, some studies have been carried out into displays of so-called Small Dick Energy.

In 2023, a University College London (UCL) study found a connection between a smaller-than-average penis size and a high desire to own a sports car [7]. The link is that this is a form of psychological compensation mechanism.

However, some say this is a toxic term, as it’s almost exclusively used against men. King’s College London examined the issue and linked it to the wider term of penis-size shaming [8].

Can you develop BDE yourself?

BDE is all about real, unforced confidence. Perfect examples are Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jeff Goldblum. They have an unforced magnetism in every situation. Some people may be born with it, but developing confidence in yourself is about targeting areas where you’re low on confidence.

Maybe you’ve got a few extra kilos around your gut that are bothering you. Perhaps you feel less confident in the bedroom. Alternatively, you might be feeling lost in your career. Cultivating that quiet confidence isn’t about accepting everything as it is because BDE people are action-oriented. Likewise, it’s not about relentlessly pursuing that next big status symbol.

So, here are some simple ideas for developing BDE.

Relax your shoulders

BDE manifests in the natural swagger. It’s not about swinging yourself around but about developing posture. No matter who you are, sitting hunched over a laptop won’t exude confidence.

Ultimately, focus on projecting a natural, rock-solid core and a spinal cord to match. Lift your head and keep your forehead away from the pavement. Get into fitness, whether that’s a regular run or even a weekly gym schedule. These are all things that can build up that BDE swagger.

Earn your confidence 

Most BDE people are talented in their own ways. It doesn’t have to mean running a global company or winning footie championships, either. You exude confidence because you’re both content and driven in equal measure.

What matters is that you’re confident because you’re happy with what you’ve achieved, not phantom or exaggerated accolades. Not done what you wanted yet? That’s okay, too, as long as you’re actively working towards it.

For example, if you’re worried about your diet, start making positive changes now through a registered dietician. If you’re eager to develop that big bedroom energy, consider professional help, like Pilot’s ED treatment.

It’s not about changing the world but about pursuing what matters to you most.

Rise above

Everyone’s got their issues, but it’s how you react to them. If you’ve got Big Dick Energy, you’re not letting life get to you. These people have a unique ability to seem ambitious, aloof, and sensitive all at the same time. They’re progressive with a certain coldness all at once.

Staying calm isn’t given by birth but won through hard work. Learning how to cope with stress through mindfulness training, breathwork, and meditation are just some of the options that could help you in your pursuit of BDE.

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